Idiots and the Quidditch World Cup
by creativepurpleglitter
Summary: Johnny scores tickets for the Quidditch World Cup, and we found out one of the Idiots is horrible at playing Quidditch. But which one is it?


**A/N: So, I'm back. I'm back and ready to write about the Quidditch World Cup! Yay! It's 12:30 in the morning… and I don't get enough sleep as is… but I'm obsessing over Twitter because if Scott tweets me back (**_**if**_**), I will scream and wake everyone up. **

**Anyway, I hope this is somewhat, mind-numbingly enjoyable. I don't own American Idiot, Harry Potter, anything else that you recognize that isn't mine, Scott, or Rupert Grint. **

JOHNNY: Will, are you sitting down?

WILL: No, I'm standing up for the first time in a year.

JOHNNY: But you're lying down.

WILL: Sarcasm, bitch.

JOHNNY: Oh, right! I'm just too excited about the valuables I hold behind my back!

JIMMY: Let me see them. *goes to grab valuables*

JOHNNY: *violently turns away* NO! You don't get to see them in advance!

JIMMY: But I've already seen them… haven't I?

JOHNNY: If you're so confident about that, tell me what they are.

*JIMMY whispers something to JOHNNY.*

JOHNNY: Damn, you're good! How did you know that?

JIMMY: Ask yourself.

*JOHNNY ponders the philosophy of this yet again.*

JOHNNY: I see what you did there!

TUNNY: Can we just see what these valuables are?

JIMMY: Everyone can see them but you.

TUNNY: Why pick on me?

JIMMY: You only have one leg.

WILL: That's racist!

TUNNY: You can't be racist against an amputee.

WILL: I know, but it's more powerful to say "That's racist!" than it is to say "That's rude!"

JOHNNY: I'll show you ladies the valuables when the real men of this clan arrive. *calls out* WHATSERNAME! HEATHER! EXTRAORDINARY GIRL! I HAVE A SURPRISE!

*They enter.*

WHATSERNAME: What is it?

EG: It's probably a homeless chimp named Banana Bob that's looking for a home.

JOHNNY: Banana Bob was last week, and his owner came to claim him three hours after I found him.

EG: Three hours too late, considering he spat up on me ten seconds after you got him here.

JIMMY: He did it because he knew you were a bitch who complicates things!

JOHNNY: Well, there's no way she's going to want to complicate what I hold behind my back right now.

HEATHER: Are you going to tell us what it is, or are you going to string us along and then drop good-as-dead like that time you saw a monster?

JOHNNY: I'm going to tell you! Ladies, gentlemen, Jimmy, I give you…. TICKETS TO THE QUIDDITCH WORLD CUP!

EG: The Quidditch World Cup?

JIMMY: That's what he said, isn't it?

WILL: PSSHHH. You know why she repeated it. She's going to try to foil our plans?

EG: Just… how are we going to get there?

JIMMY: It's in England, dammit, not an alternate universe. We can take a fucking plane.

EG: Yeah, but when's the Cup?

JOHNNY: It's in five hours.

EG: See, there's no way we can catch a plane and get passports and make it to England in five hours.

TUNNY: Will, don't cry.

WILL: But I want to be one of the only Muggles at a Quidditch match!

WHATSERNAME: Are we really Muggles at this point?

EG: I don't think the author knows.

AUTHOR OF THIS SCRIPT: I don't!

TUNNY: At least she's honest.

AUTHOR: In my opinion, Tunny, you'd be either a Gryffindor or a Hufflepuff.

WILL: HAHAHA, you're a Hufflepuff!

TUNNY: Or a Gryffindor!

WILL: But probably a Hufflepuff.

HEATHER: What's that thing over there that's glowing blue?

JOHNNY: It's probably a Portkey.

EG: Will, don't faint.

*WILL steadies himself on the table.*

JIMMY: It's probably not even a Portkey. It's just really radioactive in this apartment.

TUNNY: No, it's definitely a Portkey.

JIMMY: And what makes you so sure?

TUNNY: Look at it.

*They look at an orange Lego that's glowing blue.*

EG: I didn't even know they made orange Legos.

JOHNNY: That's how we know it's a Portkey!

JIMMY: But why is it a Lego? Those things look like pieces of shit.

TUNNY: They do not! Legos are awesome!

HEATHER: Differences aside, how are we all supposed to fit on a tiny Lego brick?

JOHNNY: Everybody, pinkies down!

WILL: Now, before this piece of the-

EG: - piece of the _Harry Potter_ universe-

WILL: -slips away!

*They grab on and are transported to the Quidditch World Cup.*

WILL: Harry! Where are you, Harry?

HEATHER: Wrong album, asshole.

WILL: I don't care!

TUNNY: Right album.

WILL: HARRY! HARRY! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME?

TUNNY: We interrupt this poor StarKid cover to actually get on with our lives.

WILL: I'm sorry, Tun. I take it too far sometimes.

JIMMY: So, who's playing this year?

JOHNNY: Ireland and Bulgaria.

JIMMY: Didn't they play the year Harry Potter was here?

AUTHOR: Give me a break! I wasn't about to create new teams!

EG: I just hope the Death Eaters don't show up this time.

WILL: Woman! Have you _read_ the final _Harry Potter_ installment?

EG: Yes.

WILL: Then you'll know that Harrymyboy kills Voldemort, and he has no more Death Eaters because all the real evil is gone.

EG: Harry also killed the basilisk, but we came across that.

TUNNY: Death Eaters… Jimmy, would you like to be one of those?

JIMMY: I'd say the same about you, but I'm pretty sure their dreams are black, silver, and green.

JOHNNY: Jimmy! Who do you think will- *his phone rings*

JOHNNY: Hello? Right now? AWESOME! Bye!

TUNNY: Who was that?

JOHNNY: Gotta go!

WILL: But where are you going?

JOHNNY: …Secret. Bye!

*He skips away much too merrily.*

EG: Unbelievable! He gets these tickets, and then he deserts us!

WHATSERNAME: Please don't tell me that surprises you.

TUNNY: He's probably drinking butterbeer-

JIMMY: -which he still hasn't figured out is virgin-

TUNNY: -with the Golden Trio and isn't telling us about it.

WILL: But he knows I would kill him!

HEATHER: *crosses fingers* Maybe that's why he's doing it.

TUNNY: Yeah, no. But who do you all think is going to win?

WILL: Obviously, the Irish will win. The Weasley twins love them!

HEATHER: Oh, yeah, he paid more attention to the Weasley twins, too.

WILL: They are inspirational. They're like Oprah, only they're not rich at all.

TUNNY: He locked himself in his room for a week when Fred died.

WILL: It was only a centimeter of the pain in comparison to what the entire Weasley family went through.

TUNNY: And I just pretended it was normal.

EG: Well, I think Ireland will win, too.

TUNNY: Are you kidding? Bulgaria will win. Viktor Krum is such a badass!

JIMMY: You think everyone with two legs is a badass.

TUNNY: Jimmy, lay off it. Viktor Krum is a genius. He's more than just an athlete. He's an artist.

JIMMY: Viktor, I love you!

WILL: Viktor, I do!

BOTH: When we're apart, my heart beats only for you!

TUNNY: I do not have a man crush on Krum.

EG: But it would make sense, given your straight crush on Hermione.

TUNNY: You just had to frame that letter.

EG: You just had to mount the Sword of Gryffindor on your wall.

WHATSERNAME: Heather, who do you think is going to win?

HEATHER: Will is rooting for the Irish, so I choose Bulgaria.

WILL: How old are you, twelve?

HEATHER: How masculine are you, three percent?

WHATSERNAME: I think I'm officially obligated to root for Bulgaria.

JIMMY: Why?

WHATSERNAME: You are, too. Look up.

*He does, and all the tough Bulgarians fly overhead… plus JOHNNY.*

TUNNY: What happened to Krum?

JOHNNY: *from his lame Nimbus 2000* He encountered something that caused him to be unavailable for this match.

TUNNY: What did you to do him?

JOHNNY: I didn't do a thing.

JIMMY: He didn't. I did.

WILL: What did you do to that Bulgarian angel? Not like I'm all of a sudden rooting for Bulgaria or anything…

JIMMY: …Secret.

EG: Ten sickles says Johnny starts singing at some point.

WILL: Why does he look so happy?

JIMMY: As a welcoming treat, I paid all of box five to chant, "JE-SUS! JE-SUS!"

BOX FIVE: JE-SUS! JE-SUS!

SOMEONE RANDOM: Blasphemy!

JIMMY: Shut up!

TUNNY: He's actually trying to catch the bludger.

JOHNNY: Whoa, sorry, Mr. Bludger! I indulged in some butterbeer before the game, so my judgment is clouded.

WILL: Butterbeer doesn't have-

JIMMY: SSSSHHHH! This is too much fun!

WHATSERNAME: The Snitch is right behind you, Johnny!

LUCIUS MALFOY: Don't cheat!

JOHNNY: Uh, Whatsername, I think the bitch is down there with you.

EG: Bitter Gryffindor! Ravenclaw FTW!

JOHNNY: EG, I was talking about Heather, not you.

EG: Oh. Sorry, you brave Gryffindor!

JOHNNY: OOOOH, I like that red ball! *chases Quaffle*

BULGARIAN CHASER: You're the Seeker.

JOHNNY: Why, yes I am!

BULGARIAN CHASER: Then let me do my job.

JOHNNY: Well, you don't have to be so rude about it.

TUNNY: The Snitch is buzzing in his ear, and he's not catching it.

WILL: And he calls himself a _Harry Potter_ nerd.

HEATHER: Hey, Will!

WILL: Yes?

HEATHER: Pottermore is still in beta.

WILL: I can't believe I missed the Magic Quotes Quill Challenge!

TUNNY: But you were online all day.

WILL: I was one million… and one.

WHATSERNAME: I can't find my phone.

JIMMY: Don't look at me. I didn't take it and corrupt it with what Johnny does when he's asleep this time.

TUNNY: I'll find it. We Hufflepuffs are excellent finders. *randomly finds it*

*Everyone else gasps.*

TUNNY: Oh my fuck noodles. I just said that.

JIMMY: You admit and prove you're a Hufflepuff!

TUNNY: I neither admit nor prove anything.

WHATSERNAME: The Irish Seeker just saw where the Snitch is.

JIMMY: Poor Johnnycake.

WILL: Yay Ireland! *takes out pan flute and starts playing it*

HEATHER: Where did you learn to play the pan flute?

WILL: …Secret.

WHATSERNAME: Something tells me this won't be complete until all of us answer a question with that response.

JOHNNY: Oh, hello! You're Irish, I see! Why are you on top of me?

JIMMY and WHATSERNAME: Yeah! Why are you on top of him?

TUNNY: You know why he's on top of him.

JIMMY: That doesn't make it right.

WILL: Somebody catch that fucking Snitch! I can't take this anymore!

JOHNNY: Oh! There's the Snitch!

TUNNY: Oh, thank God.

JOHNNY: But I don't think I've given the crowd a good enough show…

EG: It's been more than satisfactory. Trust us.

JOHNNY: Let's see how my fellow Bulgarians are doing!

*Flies to them*

JOHNNY: The whole team is tied to the goal posts! I must save them!

WHATSERNAME: Catch the Snitch and _then_ be a gentleman!

JIMMY: Please, he knows being a gentleman at the proper moment is overrated.

FUDGE: The Irish win!

JOHNNY: Hurrah for good sportsmanship!

*The Bulgarians slug him.*

JOHNNY: Is this some type of initiation?

JIMMY: Come on; let's get him out of there. _Accio brooms_!

*Their brooms, which they totally own, appear.*

TUNNY: Haha, Jimmy flies a Cleansweep!

JIMMY: Haha, Tunny only flies a Firebolt so he doesn't have to hobble.

WILL: Guys, I wouldn't complain. Heather just snapped my Nimbus 2001 in half.

HEATHER: You deserved it!

TUNNY: What will he use instead?

HEATHER: You can use this box on wheels.

WHATSERNAME: Let's go get Johnny, then.

*They do, along with WILL in his box on wheels.*

JOHNNY: Oh, hi guys! That went very well, didn't it?

JIMMY: Yeah, kid, you were bloody brilliant.

JOHNNY: Thank you for that assessment, Mr. Vincent.

*They take him back to their tent.*

JOHNNY: You know, for some reason, I thought it was like golf.

WILL: Golf?

JOHNNY: Yeah, you know, the one with the least amount of points wins.

WHATSERNAME: But you were the Seeker. The whole point of you was to catch the Snitch for 150 points.

WILL: And you call yourself a _Harry Potter_ fan!

TUNNY: Here's what I don't understand. If the Snitch is worth 150 points, why does anyone even bother with the Quaffle?

EG: So, when you're alone, you watch _30 Rock_ and think about Hermione?

TUNNY: Yes.

HEATHER: Well, I'm personally pretty pissed about Johnny being the reason Bulgaria lost to Ireland with a score of 406 to negative 372.

JIMMY: Negative Quidditch points weren't even _possible_ until you!

JOHNNY: I tried my best!

WILL: If by your best, you mean not even a little, then yes, you tried your best.

VOICE FROM OUTSIDE: Gallagher's in here!

JIMMY: Oh, shit. The Bulgarian fans are here to kill him.

EG: I knew there would be something like Death Eaters.

WILL: Shut up, EG.

JIMMY: Hufflepuff! Find us a Portkey!

TUNNY: How about this glass of glowing pink lemonade?

EG: Pink lemonade?

WHATSERNAME: Just go with it.

*They grab onto the Portkey and are transported back to their apartment.*

JIMMY: Will, are you crying?

WILL: N-n-no…

WHATSERNAME: Don't worry; I got you an exclusive souvenir.

HEATHER: And you probably don't deserve it.

TUNNY: Nope, he totally deserves it.

WHATSERNAME: When we passed him, I ripped out a lock of Lucius Malfoy's hair.

WILL: Yes! Everyone is going to be so jealous!

EG: Who is this _everyone_?

WILL: …Secret.

**Fin**

**A/N: Why I turned Will into the biggest nerd, I don't know. It just happened that way. Once he fainted, I knew he was the biggest nerd. **

**So… Scott has not responded. BLAH.**


End file.
